CIPIYBIWOHAL – Can I Put it in Your Bum? It’ll Only Hurt a Little

Text “CIPIYBIWOHAL” to your partner and when they text back saying “what”, text them back saying “just say, yes”. When you receive the Yes message…result. It can’t be classed as rape if they agreed to it in the first place. And you have proof to show the judge on your phone.

DTAD – Don’t text and drive.

As you all know, driving while on the phone is illegal; the same is applied when sending a text, even though some people aren’t aware. If you know someone is texting you while driving then send “DTAD,” followed by nothing. If not to prevent your friend from being mangled with a tree, but just to save them from a huge fine, points on their licence and even going to prison. Unless of course you never really liked them.

WTFDJCM – What the F**K, Dude! Just Call Me

So, your friend is messaging you and is sending text after text – they are basically telling you their life story. Instead of sending 100s text message, it would be a lot faster if they just phoned you so they could rant for 10 minutes. When you feel in a FML (f**k my life) moment because you CBA (can’t be asked) to texted back then slap then with a “WTFDJCM”.

PIMP – Peeing in my Pants

The days of “LOL” need to be banned. The word is overused and people don’t mean it. LOL literary means: “I didn’t really find what you said funny, but I don’t want you to feel awkward”, or “I can’t be asked to text back so a LOL will do.” Instead of going for the simple “LOL”, slip in a cheeky “PIMP” and spice up your texts.

TMTFB – Text me The F**K Back

You get the sort of people that won’t message you back for ages and to these sorts of people (you know who you are) need a “TMTFB” sending. If you have an up-to-date phone that tells you your message has been read by the recipient and it’s been hours without a reply, sorry, but they are clearly ignoring you, which is unlucky.

MTRT: My Thumbs are Tired.

As you know, thumbs are an essential tool when it comes to texting; without them it would make the simple task of texting a lot harder than it needs to be. Also, why do you think you never see your cat send a text? Conspiracy! If you consider yourself a serial texter then your thumbs are going to go into overdrive. When this happens a simple “MTRT” reply is what you need.

PITA – Pain in The Ass

The conversation usually starts with a “can I ask for a favour?” It is then usually followed by you then driving someone to the shops or going and picking something up. When the moment presents itself, you could texted back saying “GFY” (go f**k yourself)…or you could send “you’re a PITA” and then drive them about even though you could think of 100 things better to do like chewing live wasps.

DISLIGAF – Does it Sound Like I Give a F**K

You start of by pretending you care, but the conversation goes on and on and you have better things to do. Now is the perfect time to text a “DISLIGAF”. The conversation then comes to a complete standstill and you are free to go and make yourself some toast or whatever it is you would rather be doing (probably looking at naughty videos online, wink, wink).

LMAOSHMSFOAIDMT – Laughing my Ass of so Hard my Sombrero Fell Off and I Dropped my Taco.

If something is supposed to be funny but you don’t laugh, a “LOL” (laugh out loud) is the usual protocol; if something is funny then a LMAO (laughing my ass off) is used. Then “special people” opt for a PMSL (pi**ing myself laughing) or a ROTFL (rolling on the floor laughing) which are just gay. What you really need to send if you do find something extremely funny is a “LMAOSHMSFOAIDMT.”

PLSMAMTIDHUTATCM – Please Don’t Send me Any More Texts; I Don’t Have Unlimited Texts and They Cost Money.

Yeah, we know this funny acronym is way too long and you won’t be sending it every other text, but it beats actually typing “please don’t send me any more texts; I don’t have unlimited texts and they cost money” and it’s actually quite funny to send people when they text you just because they are bored – usually with pointless information.