Top 10 Inappropriate Kids’ Toys

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Inappropriate is a polite word for these next set of toys that are “supposed” to be aimed at children. Us as adults will get the funny side but probably won’t purchase them, but, some of you clearly are as they wouldn’t produce more if they weren’t selling. If your child then turns out not the way you had hoped, you have only yourself to blame.

As children growing up, we always wanted to have that “must have toy”. Parents didn’t really understand it, but going to school after the Christmas holidays and you being the only one without this must have toy did nothing for your popularity – you might as well have just turned up to school with a deuce in your lunchbox!

As the next generation is growing up, this fad is still going strong and it will continue to carry on as long as kids like toys and product companies produce them.

If you have seen the film Dumb and Dumber then you will know you shouldn’t sell a dead parrot to a blind kid. These next set of inappropriate toys for kids, however, makes selling dead parrots to blind kids something that priests do as a hobby at Sunday Service.

10. Amazing Pets: Love N Licks Puppy

“How wet will you get from a Love N’ Licks kiss”? “So wet you should wear a bathing suit.” As innocent as this “probably” was when they created this commercial, someone reviewing the final video (even in the cutting room) should have had a slight inkling that the phrases used sounded like innuendos.

9. Rad Repeatin’ Tarzan

We guess this is what Tarzan does when Jane isn’t around. Just like every Disney film, Tarzan was a huge success and with success usually comes tons of merchandise. One toy company thought it would be great to show Tarzan air masturbating while yelling simultaneously his famous noises that he does. We can’t imagine why they thought this toy was never going to be inappropriate. I mean, does he even make that hand gesture in the film at any part?

8. McDonald’s Drive Through Play Set


Some of you may actually think what is so inappropriate about this children’s play set; after all, at first glance it looks innocent. If you want to lower your child’s expectations in life and start them off at a young age never to have a dream as all they are good for is working in McDs then it’s not inappropriate at all.

7. The Oozinator

Haha, we are guessing that the creator of this product is on a certain list that naughty men end up on. If the video wasn’t an innuendo in itself, they topped it off by naming the product “Oozinator”. Listen at the end too, “major pumping required.”

6. The Breastfeeding Doll


It’s one of those touchy subjects that everyone will have their own opinion about. We personally believe that children of such a young age who don’t know where babies come from or what sex is shouldn’t need to know about breastfeeding; others will say that it’s a natural part of life and they will eventually need to know how to do it. What we do know is, the tag on the box “the first breastfeeding doll” is going to stay true for a long time.

5. Peni-Pals Unicorn


Even though the stuffed animal looks like a dinosaur, if you look at the label we think it should actually be a unicorn. This would explain the balls and shaft on its head. If this toy was supposed to be for children then the balls need to go and the shaft needs to be a pointed edge. Although, if you look at the name on the box it does say Peni-Pals. Yeah, probably an adult toy, but a child wouldn’t know the inappropriateness of the toy.

4. Inappropriate Kid’s Slide

I think some people need to sit down with a group and decide would could possible make a toy seem more inappropriate then it is. But with something as obvious as this kids’ slide, it doesn’t take a room full of people to work out why it fails – the one guy should have been suffice.

What makes this slide/bouncing castle fail more, is the parents allowed their children to play on it. “Hey Barbra, does that look like what I think it does? Nar, it can’t do, never mind.”

3. Inappropriate Lion King Toy

The video description said that the toy was found on a special edition Smarties Box which makes us believe that this IS actually a children’s toy. But, Rafiki’s eyes are looking down so we are uncertain. Remember: Being the king hurts sometimes! And, Can You Feel the Love Tonight! All the puns are right there with minimal thinking.

2. Pole Dancing Doll


Just like the McDonald’s Drive Through Play Set, if you don’t want to get your child’s hopes up in life then start them off early – the doll pole dancer comes with lights and sounds too. As you can see with the writing on the box, the pole dancing doll can go up and down, and go round and round – just like the real thing then.

1. Tattoo Toy Set


We have nothing against tattoos; we personally have tattoos ourselves. What we have a slight problem with is teaching children at a young age that tattoos are “cool”. If I personally got them when I was 12 they would look a lot different than they do now. Just be warned, when your child is 15 and John down the road gives him a tribal version of his own name you can thank yourself.

It doesn’t matter if you feel that most of these children’s toys are inappropriate or not. What does matter is that you don’t turn into one of those Mums that wish to speak to the Manager in the middle of the Toy Shop. Making a scene will only make you look stupid and make your child wish they had never been born. If you feel they are inappropriate just don’t buy them…simple! But, manufacturers, keep making them, we have a field day laughing at them.