Top 10 of the Best Penises Drawn on Newspapers

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You know what it’s like: A few guys get together and are bored, so the next thing you know the newspaper comes out and you all take turns drawing d#cks. Yeah, it’s considered a little immature, and even slightly gay, but it’s defiantly hilarious.

It’s the new craze so you best get used to it and it’s the best thing we have ever seen. In fact it’s that good that we feel we have discovered a new pastime for ourselves. “I can’t read and write, but I can draw a mean d#ck on a newspaper”.

So the next time you pick up the copy of the Metro on your local bus or train, be prepare to see a huge veiny b@st@rd staring you right in the face!

10. I Think It’s Faulty


“Look, every time I touch it, it goes off”. “Hmmmm. Yes, I can see.”

We will now leave you with some alternative names for your junk: Cranny axe custard launcher, flesh flute, krull the warrior king, leaky hose, love muscle, one-eyed monster, pipesnake and heat seeking venomous throbbing python of love

9. Stroke the Shaft, Cup the Balls


He’s dropped the ball because he obviously has more important things to do. Remember: Stroke the shaft, cup the balls. You ladies don’t understand so our subject above has been kind enough to demonstrate.

8. Into The Toilet Ball Equals no Mess


Just look at the detail on this. We hope the guy drawing it was on a long train journey full of people.

Kids, just quit school now, it’s doing you no good and it’s a waste of time. Now go to your local art store and buy a HB pencil and get practicing. Then again, seeing as you’ve just quite school you might as well just pinch one from school.

7. Dan Good Job, Dan


Just like Sylvester Stallone would say (watch the video at the end of this post, highly recommended): “Cup the balls, work the shaft, say my name!” It looks like Dan got the message loud and clear as he got to work straight away.

6. Three Bridesmaids, One Penis


We want to know why the original image had the bridesmaids’ with their mouths open – the photo was looking for trouble. You have to love the fact the illustrator drew one of the man’s fingers in one of the women’s mouth.

5. Take it, Sir


It’s the only time us males can draw a phallus – usually going into another male – and no one questions it of being gay. What an amazing world we live in. By the way, great use of the tennis ball.

4. Phil Loves a Tug Mid Match


Drawing a penis on a newspaper is one thing, but combining it with the perfect image is another. Come on, look at the guys face. The penis practically drew itself really. Go on, Phil, rub one out!

3. Take my Load


It may not be the most detailed penis of them all, but it demonstrates the importance of picking the right newspaper. There are widgey drawers everywhere who would froth at the mouth after seeing the original image. They wouldn’t be able to sleep until the picture had been christened with a phallus.

2. In the Face


If our memory serves us correctly (and it does, but we Googled that sh#t) it was the movie Superbad that mentioned the whole drawing d#cks on paper publicly – definitely one of Seth Rogen’s contributions to the script. We can remember the whole cinema creasing their ass of when that scene was on.

1. Well Placed Finger


Primitive drawing, yes, but it proves that we all have the ability deep within to be creative with this new art form – just look at the well placed finger. Genius!

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